His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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