I got chris browned last night
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
