tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
