I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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