I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
