Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
