I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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