sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
