in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize