somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
