Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You are a genius and a whore.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
