smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
