I have demons in me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
