I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
