hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
