Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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