started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
