She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
