I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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