I want to stick my p in your. b.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
What changed your mind?
Being sober
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
