my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize