I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
