You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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