If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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