Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You've changed since you got that strap on
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
