Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
