Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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