i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
