I faked an abortion last night.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
