Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
