All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
