I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
