In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
