Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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