I think I am morally bankrupt
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
