Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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