We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so let's talk penis.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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