Your tits are I can't wait for
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
