I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
