How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
