I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
