when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
