I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Drunk is not a location!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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