is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
