Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
