Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The struggles of a small town man whore
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
