I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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