I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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