shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
