bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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