just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize