quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
