grandma shit on top of the toilet
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize