i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
