On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
