TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
