high people should be assigned attendants
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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