nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
