Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize