Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
