i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
