Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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