Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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