We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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