OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
