Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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