Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
