as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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