So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
