FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize
