This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
His nipple licking is glorious
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