Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
