Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
