Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
operation have a gay friend backfired
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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