hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
