In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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