So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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