Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
