I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
