how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize