Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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