Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize