So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
