I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
