I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
