I CAN MOONWALK!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
