I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
