Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She announced her abortion via fbk
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
