I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He better not be in your backpack
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
