he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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