So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Randomize
