you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize