OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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