At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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