I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize