this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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