why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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