my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
